Today: realizing, as I do again and again every few months, that writing is such a confidence trick. Or requires such a confidence trick. Maybe that’s more accurate. That there’s such a confidence trick to it, to sitting down and re-reading what I’ve written, to revising, to trust, to belief, to sending it out.
Interestingly, earlier today I landed on the wikipedia page for “confidence trick,” meaning scam. But this had nothing to do with writing. This is not the kind of confidence trick I mean. I mean, simply, tricking oneself into having confidence. Which, I guess, is a kind of scam afterall.
I got to that article through the disambiguation page on “Grifter,” where I landed after wikipedia’ing Annette Bening and reading that she received an Academy Award nomination for her performance in The Grifters, a film I hadn’t heard of, and I had no idea what a grifter was. I was searching for Annette Bening after watching Mother and Child over the past few days, a movie I really enjoyed, directed by Rodrigo Garcia (son of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, a fact I also didn’t know). I had tried watching his film, Nine Lives, some time ago, but stopped after the first few vignettes, as I couldn’t get into it. I may reconsider now. I really thought Mother and Child was quietly fabulous.
And so fitting, for the story of my own I’m currently re-reading as I prepare to send it off into the world. By tricking myself into an unusually high level of confidence.